(another rambling session, i'm hoping these will get me back into the warming up in the refocusing of my thoughts. I'm sooo freaking tired right now...and want to go back to sleep but feel that maybe after I write my jibberish I'll feel a lil better.. the mind will have had a temporary outlet and can rest just a little better)

Ever have one of those mornings where you're asleep but not??? and you are fully aware of exactly where you are but find your mind going..but you were just living this, and doing these things only yesterday!!! and the yesterday the mind makes feel so close was reallys days, weeks, months and or YEARS ago!!!

Uggg, its sooo disorienting! and makes me literally physically ill, because I am in such a mental state to where I feel as though I'm literally back there... but I'm awake and here (here being the "now" period of time when I have these moments).

fun stuff... and to add to it all its like your mind is just relizing how much your body has changed. how this shell that we live in is different...more weight here less weight there...taller...older...ect.

the mind is doing its own kinda checking out of things... nice... like I dont have enough going on .. my own thoughts or feelings are sometimes "out of control"

sucky thing.. is that whenever I've had this kinda thing happen...its ALWAYS in the morning.. and I have to soemtimes really fight to push the lingering feelings off to the side so that I can properly funtion throughout the day and even be slightly happy. I dont want to wallow in the yesterdays passed that I cant ever have back.. no matter how many tears are being shed. Its redundant, a waste of time. And time is truly a precious commadity. its like invisible precious metal that one should cherish and value, and make the best use of. not waste and dwindle away.

*closes eyes, deep slow breath in and slowly breaths out*
ahhhhh veil besser!!!! (much better).

okies.. I'm gonna close the laptop and slide down further under my blankets and snuggle my head into my pillow for a little while longer... I think I can actually rest some now. YAY!!!

PS... its soo nice to be back to writing again. Even if it is all "scrambled" *grins*