Tonight I'm home alone, & I'm not too sure how I feel about it. On one hand its nice & quiet, on the other... its TOO quiet & I'm feeling lonely.

This house is definetly too big for just one person.

Joes down in Texas still.. he's been there for nearly a week. Suzi is closing tonight so she wont be back til like 1am and my lil Dev is down at the beach with my parents and lil sis til sunday.

So tonight its just me, myself and I. And I havent a clue as to what I should do.

I think the most productive thing I accomplished was getting up and going to class, then taking care of my school loan crap.

On the way home, I managed to navigate through all the crappy traffic. Accidents that shut down parts of roads all day long, signs from this morning still flashing "ACCIDENT INVESTIGATION AHEAD USE ALT ROUTE" which of course means one thing... somebody died.

While my mind plays hundreds of senerios about what might have happend, who the person was, where they were going.. so on and so forth (love the time the imagination decides to kick in), I decide to try taking the alternate route which usually has a great calming affect on the mind.. & is beautiful to the eyes. OLD farmhouses, vineyards, apple orchards, vast space....no traffic lights, hardly any cars..... LOTS of trees of all sorts....yes, on any other day... this puts me in a wonderful, calm, peaceful, happy place. But not today. I was still irritable, put off, overwhelmed, EXHAUSTED, emotional to the point of near tears and SO not wanting to be alone.

FINAALLY, I got home, chowed down on some leftover KFC chatted with Joe til my cell died, then passed out for 3 hours on the couch with the space heater on full blast, directed towards my face.

I woke up three times during this needed nap that I'm sure was enhanced by my depression. Each time I awoke, I'd have this heavy , disoriented & lost feeling... I'd lay back down & would pass back out. Thankfully the final time I woke, these "symptoms" were mostly gone. or at least less dominating.

Feeling still a lil lost after I got off the phone with Joe again (who was getting ready to take off with some coworkers for dinner) I decided to make some phone calls. Some people I didnt call cause of time zone differences. Those that I did managed to muster up the strength/courage to call werent home.

Well DUH!!! of course they arent home... silly... HELLO!!! Veterans day... which means people are gone doing shopping/trip stuff.. SHEEESH you nut.

I did get ahold of my folks & got to talk with dev.. YAY... Gosh he's such a big boy.

I also go ahold of my great grandmother whom I've REALLY REALLY been wanting to call for a long time.

Both conversations went nicely.. I feel a lil better. AND I learned some cool lil tidbits about both my great grandmother & great great grandmother & father.

Oh!! I just heard my phone beep.... hehe.. I got a message.... OH OH.. NOW my gmail is beeping.. SWEET!!! LOL

.........I miss Joe.... I wish he was home right now...

The lucky bum is at the Cheesecake Factory as we speak.

okay...I'm gonna go play some more with myspace. austa
Mood: lonely