Things have been up and down for me over the past few weeks... But I have to say that outside the few moments of just feeling like crap & continous contemplation (which hits reeally hard).. things are overall alright.

I made a big step a few days ago, and started writing about my feelings, thoughts ect concerning the events that have occured over the past year in a new journal. This particular entry was mostly emotional. And when I was done.. I found myself slightly suprised that what I had written was there.. guess I supressed more than I thought, & I feel that there will be MUCH more to come.

Something else that I'm proud of is that I've been upholding myself to working out. REALISTICALLY I was aiming for 1 or 2 days a week. but I've been averaging 3 or 4 days.. WOOT!

I've also been paying more attention to what I eat.. No I'm not counting carbs or anything like that.. just making better choices.. eating til I'm satisfied.. not overstuft, bipassing burgers & grabbing a salad with chicken. less butter, less salt, fruit & veggie & waater for snacks... eating half of whats on my plate.. or only limiting myself to whats on my plate (& not pile it up high) the list goes on.

Also, I'm TRYING to do this thing whenever I say or think negatively about myself/appearance/weight I will make myself do 15 situps, pushups or hop on the treadmill for 10 minutes. If I have the time & energry to waste complaining... I might as well try to use it to do SOMETHING about it right? I've also been noticing that when I'm just sitting at the puter wiating for soemthing to finish.. I'll try to do some situps til its done.

Of course It's not 100% of the time that I do this.. sometimes I'll keep tally of the bitching whining & do the exercises later. nothing is perfect.. & it would be wrong to make it sound as though it were... but at least I can say that I've been making the attempts & have managed to carry them out for more than a week now.

Next week I have an appointment with the neurologist to do an exam & maybe a scan to rule out the possibility of a minor stroke or seizure (cant remember which the doc said) Thy just want to make sure that some of the probs I've been mentioning to them are infact depression related. Great right? oh well Things will be just fine. I know the spaceyness and jumbled messges/emails & conversations are mostly likley the depressions & things. I'll work through it. & be just fine.

BTW.. I usually type my entries on my laptop & apparently my A Key... has decided to go MIA on me (I have to paste it in) & sometimes the other keys just dont want to work. just wanted to give a heads up & apologize for all the additional typos. I try to catch them but I still miss ALOT

Listening to: Bon Jovi - Bed of Roses
Mood: getting a cold