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So a lil about me....I'm married to my high school sweetheart, and now have three sons, Devon, Thalen, Dadrin (Dade)and a little girl, Celestine

I'm also a Freelance Graphic Designer & Illustrator. I LOVE my work. :-)

Well... lets see what else? I'm Hella shy, til I get to know the person, then I'm chattier than hell. I'm always willing to make new friends, but am a bit particular about which friends I get close too and keep in my life for the long haul.

I think I'm in a hangout mode in my life right now, occasional parties are GREAT, but I like to just kick back, have a nice toasty warm beverage, coffee, tea, hot coco (with marshmallows of course!)and hangout with my friends.

Working towards the path where the sane folks roam

2005-02-04 - 8:52 a.m.

Tired ,Drianed, Chemically (hormonally) unbalanced its really amazing how much the human body not only puts itself through but can actually endure and yet you stand in place not even once contemplating ending it all. Really We are amazing living creatures.

This sudden drop that I've been experiencing, though normal with everything I've been going through this past week, has plummeting me down into a rather dark pit. I dont want to be alone. and yet I feel like I need some privacy at the same time. I feel like I need to cry. but cant. I want to cry for the loss I've experienced, and then try to forget about it. But I know that will never happen. I will never forget and it will always be a concern in the back of my mind. thoughts like "what if it cant happen anymore?" and "how many times will I be willing to try?" , "what would be my final breakdown point?" (cause I know I have one). I dont want to become another one of the Mad Women in the Attic.

Okay I know I know I'm being lil miss drama queen at the moment. Like I said I'm jsut so damn emotional today... its driving me nuts. and again the thoughts just are well not all too happy (save a few). and I just dont care to do anything about it.

They say things happen for a reason... first of all I want to know who THEY are... and what the hell the reason is.

BAH!

Okies I'm done with being grumpy and moody. need some smiles and productivity to begin.

On the lus side of things.. yesterday WAS a nice day. On my home from class Joe was on break so I got to meet up with him and have lucnh at his work (first time ever me eating there with him, was really coool). when I got home I got to chat with Raven for nearly an hour, and then I took a 2 hour nap, Joe was in route home when I woke up. We got to watch Star Gate Atlantis (one of my Fav Shows) and then we headed up to woodland to meet up with my mom to get Dev back. We were all hungry so we decided to be adventerous and try out some "lil" nonchain resturant...which wasnt bad at all. Came home put the lil guy to bed. Joe went downstairs to turn off the tv and check some things. I decided that I wanted a bath... and ended up making it a nice relaxing single candle, soap petal bath for joe and I (mostly for Joe, since he didnt really get to have a day off this week and has been so loving and EXTREMELY helpful and an incredible source of strength for me, especially lately. this man deserved it). it was a nice relaxing wind down... so much so tht I barely made it into bed. I dont think Irmember my head hitting the pillow!

yes yesterday was a nice and calm day in a week of sorrow, hurt and slight cayous.

I think I'm gonna go hop in the shower now that I have dev at school and Joe in class. and then head to my eye doctor appt.

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