So Earlier today I had a meeting with my counselor (I still feel like a quack saying that... but oh well eventually I'll get over it) once again we primarily focused on the relationship that Joe and I have as friends and as a couple. After much talkings... a few questions came up that we agreed need to seriously be thought and start beginning attempts/working through answers for...

I'm writing them down because I just know that If I dont put them in this journal that I'll loose the piece of paper they be on. This way I'll always be able to refer back to them

the Questions....

1. Has he changed or have I?
2. If this is how its stays, will it be enough?
3. Can I find other areas that meet the needs that he doesnt?
4. What are those needs?

I'm sure in the process I'll be coming up with MORE questions. pending on how they develop I may add to this list. Whats kinda funny is that I came up with most of these on my own... Dude I KNEW I shoulda gone into counseling LMAO... (Seriously at one point in my life it really really was a VERY serious consideration for me, Almost did go to school for it... Freaky..and almost Ironic)

So... breifly onto other ramblings... Today was my fathers 46th Bday... We all (Mom, Dad, 2 sis's, baby nephew, sis Boyfriend, Joe Dev and I) got together for dinner at Redlobster... Had a great time... I kinda felt bad for other peoples sitting around us.. I'm the quiet one outta them all (though I have lots to say.. just not around my familie...yes thats correct spelling.. in German.. pronounced fam-ee-ly-a.. or something like that.. I suck at typing out sounds)

ANYWAY... My family (there, in english) is the loud boisterous lil kids singing loudly... adults talking even louder blah blah blah-blah-blah blah... I really did genuinely feel sorry for anyone who had to sit nearby.. anyone who hoped for a quiet relaxing evening that is... cause lemme tell you... that just wasnt gonna happen with our clan in the vicinity. nope nope nope!!!

Thats okay though... cause you cant always worry about everyone else...otherwise, you'll always be worrying. Wheres the fun in that?

So.. all in all OUr table had a fun time... Dev told Pops about his suprise Bday cake.. so I guess that made it less than a suprise...GOTTA love lil kids.. BUT we did stick candles on it.. and whispered the happy bday song. He HATES that kinda attention in public, and swear death upon anyone who reveals to the waiter that its his bday (and then has them come sing to him). I'm sure though that by the 8 of us whispering it, it probably had more heads turning verses if we had just bellowed the thing out. but its all about the mental trickery right? LOL he liked it.. So it be all great!

I sleepy... Havent gotten to talk to shawn much these past few days. though we do get to email and have at least one phone conversation throughout the day... which is really nice hehe.. and stuff.

I've been kinda frustrated with Joe today on the attention and emotional level...which has been really kinda high lately... but when is me being frustrated really different from any other time? Otherwise, him and I had a good day too.. We actually got to spend sometime together not as much as I would wish for... but this chick is tired of forcing somethings... Its his turn to put forth some effort.

Comment said to me today that has been rolling around in the brain: We as a society have somehow managed to place a negative association to the desire or definition of "being selfish", when really it is not [negativ]. It is a natural tendency that allows and motivates one or many to achieve an inner sense of well being, pride, happiness, and contentment.

Yes, you can easily argue how one who acts selfish is doing or being so in a negative way... You can associate and interpret selfishness as being harmful and negative...

But have you ever once thought about or applied it in a positive way? This is what made the comment intriging for myself, because I have never before thought of selfishness as anything BUT in a negative context.

There were multiple examples giving to me.. that I would be rather horrible at trying to piece together for a discussion... but I dont need to discuss or argue for or against it... For its is neither one way or the other... it IS both.

You dont have to agree or dissagree... just think about it... and try doing so in such away that doesnt restrict you in having to draw a diffinitive black or white conclusion. Dont only apply ONE example or personal experience to it... come up with hypotheticals.... its amazing what you find...

The only absolutes in life are mathmatical, and even then, you still have options to the path from which you can derive the conclusion.

(I need to start editing and running spellcheck.. I KNOW how to spell and be all grammatically correct.. I'm just HELLA lazy when it comes to typing... and its always just so much fun trying to keep the fingers up with the brain ~thats sarcasm~. sorry if the errors offend anyone!!!)