Mood: confused, tired, Happy...overall an interesting package...

Okies, Starting with right this VERY second... I'm starting to get SLIGHTLY irked. its pushing 8:30am and Devs Friend Ryan who I agreed to watch today, isnt here yet. I was told that he'd be showing up at just before 8. I dont mind if peoples run lates, but at the very least you can give them a curtiousy call... DUDE I COULD STILL be SLEEPING!!!! I mean REALLY... I am HELLA tired and in less than a half hour I need to hop in the car to go meet up with my folks to pick dev up...

I'd take a little nap on the couch while I wait for them. But I'm afraid that if they end up NOT coming at all that I'll keep sleeping and not wake up to leave intime to meet the folks in woodland.

hey look.. (45 minutes later).. they be here... one sec....

alright... back and better.. though I do have to admit that I WAS hoping that he wasnt gonna come.. lol.. BUT on the up side.. Devi will have a friend to play with for at least a few hours.

I miss my baby boy, cant wait for him to come home.

*******

NOte: this be me rewinding a LITTLE bit to this morning, when I woke up.

Ya know, days like today are kinda hard for me....

(backtracking in order to explain)

Last night really wasnt any different from any other night with Joe and I.. cept we did get to go out. We had Ty with us and Drive over to Wild Cats... which was closed for Labor Day... Not wanting to pay a cover and looking forward to more "natural" or "real" atmophere (as close to natural and real as one can get outta a strip club) Our next best option was the Dolphin II...

It was cool there. this was the place where I had my first lap dance... actually it wasnt a lapdance it was a couch special.. LOL OMG.. another story for another time.

We ate, had a few drinks (okies I had a few drinks) Sat at the stage with a couple of girls... one of whom was INCREDIBLY AWESOME!!!(she actually talked and played and things it was HELLA fun!!!) I need to go to a club sometime with people who are cool with clapping and cheering and stuff.. really when you get into it the girls are soo much more lively.. and have GENUINE smiles... and everyone has soooo much more fun.... but again, I digress....

we hung out...kinda occasisonally chatted. mostly about what it was about this or that girl that we did or didnt like. (its funny cause joe and I are totally all about the personalities, while ty has a lock-in in his mind...Boobs...sligtly big... and will take them if they be fake).

Sooo... yeah... shorter sum went out.. saw nekkid chicks, had dinner, and drinks, (Joe made a comment asking if I was gonna be up til 6am again), Dropped ty off. Drove home, kinda talked but I dont remember about what. had red velvet cake, both of us got on puter, I did my thing (read emails and mesaged Shawn). was passsing out at desk so went back upstairs...crawled intobed.. and Joe was suddenly HELLA EXTRA cuddly and things...like more so than usual.

after Nights like this I just get all confused.. my mind will try to rationalize things and I sometimes and just get stuck sitting there going what the fuck is happening...I can find happiness in some form... I can be content. but am I settling? Things for that moment... and for a few moments after feel great.. I'm getting what appears to be what I desperately need desire and long for... well... kinda...

thinking about and analyzing the whole thing...I'm seeing that after one of these scenes play out, where I'm aloowed to completely cuddle and touch... it only last til we walk out of the room... then we fall back into our apart doing what we need to do independently selves. I sit here.. he goes over there....

Ugggs... You know this is getting frustrating I'm tired and the boys are distracting me from my original thoughts.. so I'm just all over the damn place and not where I originally wanted to be... I'm gonna stop for right now, get rested... think... and finish my fruit parfait from McD's