Dont know why, but this morning when I woke up I realized that I havent been obsessed with certain thoughts, situations and longings lately. I dont know if its just coming to grips with the fact that these are things that only I want right now and they will happen in their own time (not when I want) or if it's just that I've been distracted with other people, thoughts and things that just seem much more important than my own selfish wants.

sorry about being so vague... its not intentional (if you want specifics then ask, not going to go into them right now). Still working on waking up thinking a nap will be in need in a few minutes here. Dev's in the tub playing gettin all pruny and clean, Noone is online at the moment (gee imagine that... it IS tuesday and not even noon yet).

And I'm just wishing I knew what the hell is going to happen for today.If Devil doesnt call soon I'm going to asume that we are a no go on the floor and start making my own plans. (he was supposed to call me back saturday after he go off work). and my plans wont be anything spectacular. Just cleaning out and moving dev's lil pool out front. set up the sprinkler for him(and the grass). Sew together Ryans jacket...hmm maybe I'll pick up some interfacing for him too. and if I get the chance...Start working on Rachels wedding album... ugg which reminds me I need to get dev's grauation and pizza trip pics over to her ASAP. I'm also going to get back into the habit of getting over the the gym by her place. I am paying the money for it afterall.

Oh, I was flipping through a book Shawn gave to many many years ago...Autumn a New England Journey...and I flipped to a page I had bookmarked. The Poem on this page is by Robert Frost... "The Road Not Taken." Just thought it was kinda funny especially since a few weeks ago Sky recited part of this poem to Shawn after one of our discussions and uncoverings of the past.

Gosh I've been really tired. I've been craving meat I REALLY want a rare steak, or a pile of crabs, shrimp, scallops,muscles and or clams gawd it all sounds sooo delicious... I want fruit too... tons of it... I need to find a farmers market. I wish the apples and Blackberries and plums were ready for theat Joes Folks place... maybe I'll go over and pick some more cherries. I love picking picking my own fruit and I enjoy doing it from a place where it just grows almost wildly.. and without any kinda of matainence, no pesticides or other chemicals. What even more cool is that these Trees have been there for almost 100years. (it was Joes Great Grandparents property, his granma was born there. infact the original house is still there, along with the outhouse (its been filled for a Loooong time). Cannery, Watershed, 2 of the 3 old barns, along with TONS of other storage and animal buildings.

(Anyone who knows me know that I'm just fascinated with almost any object building or location with any sort of history or story... I love being able to walk through, wonder, imagine, almost time travel... see something known yet completely unknown to myself. I'm drawn to objects of the past. and I desire to know SOOO much more... I desire to have been there, to see, witness, experience, touch...and so much more that I cant even being to explain the overwhelming feeling that floods into my being, filling up... needing to be released or else I may just explode.. LOL yeah yeah I know silly *sigh*

I have a desire to write. but I'm so incredible lacking in both the skills and confidence. I even try drawing, painting.. ect... and I just cant do anything. blank blank blank.... GRRRR... I hate it.. drive me nuts.