Tired tired tired tired. Oh by the eay I'm soooooooooooo tired. actually its more like exhausted. So much so that I'm wondering why I'm here writing.

I really didnt think that I had a whole to do when it came to editing my project for this morning, but for those of you who know what I'm like when it comes to my work, I tweak, retweeak.. until I'm fully satisfied, My goal is portfolio quality pieces and the more I have of them the better. Especially since this summer I'm taking foundation portfolio. the less work I need to do on the pieces.. the more time I can spend focusing on more important things. Like myself and family.... and myself.

Maybe its selfish of me, but lately I've been contemplating taking a break away from everyone and everything to do a little ...(and this will sound SUPER cheesy)...soul searching,and to just be able to feel free from all ties and respondsibilties.

I feel as though I'm being suffocated. Even more so lately with school and all.

Is is wrong of me to need to be free for a short time? is it selfish? If so, Dont I deserve to be a little selfish every once in a while? I feel guilty thinking that I do, but Dammit, you cant always try to please and make everyone else happy.

Argh I doubt any of this jumble is making sense.. not that it ever does.......

Fuck I'm soo tired...I want to be held right now. *sigh* *looks at hubby who just fell asleep on the other couch* ....sometimes, I feel more alone and invisible when I'm surrounded by people than I do when I'm alone. Not an uncommon feeling I'm told, but still, its not one I'm ever wanting to accept. I've actually had people tell me to "cheerup", "dont worry about it, it'll pass" or "just deal with it, it happens". Its a good thing I dont have to deal with those folks on a regular basis, it would drive me mad. I'm too nice of a person to actually tell them where they can stick it. *laughs* I'll think it, but wont ever say it.

Uggg... enough with the bleh "woe is me" crap talk.

All in all Today was a good day (minus the only 2 hours of sleep part) After my am class, I met up with Tracey, we studied for tomorrows final, she went to class and I went to pick up my paintings, and headed back home.

The plan for today was to pack up dev and meet with my folks in woodland and let them kidnap him for a few nights. This works out nicely since tomorrow is my Bday..(HAppy Bday to me!!! ) and after my evening final, I'm going to get together with some friends and celebrate... in ohterwords.. I'm getting SOOOOOOOO plowededededed hehe and I'm looking VERY much forward to it.

However, instead of meeting up with them, Tuned out that my inlaws were coming down to visit and have a lil bday gettogether with me today. Which was sooo awesome of them. and the visit, as always went very nice.

For dinner we went to The KEg Steakhouse.... OMG if I have a weakness its for steak and seafood...its sooooooo soo so so so so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. my fav. Uh-ehm... so it was good food. :-D they then took Dev with them to drop off at my folks place (they live like 5miles away from each other IF that. so its not that big of a deal). The rest of us, Joe, Suz and I came home.

and here I am tired and calling it quits.. finally. Falling asleep at the keyboard. nites!

PS- I forgot to tell ya, that I talked to my friend Jason today. He called, we talked for about an hour its been sooo long since I've heard from him, so I was purty cheered up hearing from him. Said he was gonna try to met up with me tomorrow. I hope it works out. I miss him so much. He's one of the few friends I can just talk to and be me, which can actually be a fun light hearted mischevious and FUNNY lil fairy